top of page
Writer's pictureMaria Furtado

Learn how to forgive, and forget to feel amazing.

Updated: Feb 7, 2021




Life is full of emotions and we tend to react to them as we always did in the past, till the day that the shift on our mind finally happens. When you became more aware of thoughts and you learn how to control them, something change in the way you react to emotions, you start to question the right response and you will encourage yourself to be more responsible and less dramatic. We learn to question our mind and stop the voice in your head that is telling us that we are a victim, and we start to be more supportive and compassionate about ourselves and others, not letting the negative feeling impact in our decisions. One of the most destructive feelings is the one of mistrust and we normally experience this a lot in relationships, as couples, friends, co-workers, or family members. We always trust with our hearts the individuals we interact on our closed circle. When someone does something that hurts your feelings, first and before you react, take time to analyze with care how it makes you feel, get out of your noise thoughts and even use a paper to write how you are feeling and if this situation is really that bad?

Remember that no one can control all the time what we say or do, we learn from our mistakes but we evolve when we learn to forgive and forget the mistakes of others. We tend to use the silly Ego that always says things like; " How He(She) could do this to me? As if the person's intentions was one of hurt us, the person made a plan to destroy us. That is not true, because even when we learn to be present, meditate and be aware of our thoughts, we cannot control all we do or think, then how we expect others to do it? One of the most important lesson when dealing with these feeling is to learn to accept the situation, forgive and let go, no matter what it is, it appears on your path to make you grown spirituality, and as soon you understand this, when you appreciate for the opportunity to grow, the situation loses all the negative power. If we wish to learn the best way to deal with others, remember that we always should start by dealing with ourselves. We should always use our wisdom and knowledge to deal with the situations that we need to forgive, as sometimes is not so easy for us to let go of our old habits, the act of forgiveness by itself is not the end of the process. It is imperative that you be honest with your feelings, working with your mindset all the time to stop the judgment and achieve a peaceful solution. All this can take time, so please allow yourself to go further till you can come to a place where you can forgive from your heart and forget without any confusion or feeling of betraying your ideas. Enjoy the sensation of clarity and benevolence.

“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."


Mahatma Gandhi wrote. Probably because forgiving is hard work, especially when some deeds don’t seem worthy of forgiveness. But the difficult work is worth it: Decades of research from the field of positive psychology has found forgiveness can improve depression, anxiety, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.


Forgiving can bestow personal peace and even improve physical health. How? Because forgiveness is not about making other people feel better about their transgressions. It is about lightening the burden that their transgressions have left upon you. This lightening effect isn’t just metaphorical. In a 2014 study published in Social Psychological & Personality Science, 160 participants were divided into three groups. One group wrote about an incident in which they had been deeply hurt, but chose to forgive their offender; another group wrote about a time in which they had not yet forgiven an offender, and a control group wrote about a neutral interaction with a friend. All of the participants were then guided through a mock fitness test in which they had to jump as high as they could five times. The participants who had written about forgiveness jumped significantly higher than those in the unforgiving set. Are you ready to lighten up? In his seminal book, Forgiveness Is a Choice, Robert Enright, Ph.D., co-founder of the International Forgiveness Institute in Madison, Wisconsin, and a professor at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, divides the process of forgiveness into four steps: 4 Steps to forgiveness.


1. Uncover. Be honest with yourself about your anger and hurt, and assess the full damage the injustice has caused in your life. If a parent made you feel inadequate growing up, does your self-esteem still suffer? Do you look for love and validation in unhealthy ways? 2. Decide. You must make the conscious decision to forgive your injurers, as Enright calls them, and give up any vengeful behaviors on your part. If a co-worker once stole an idea, say, and you’ve been denying him or her credit on other projects ever since it’s time to change your tactic. The negativity and anger you cling to won’t do you any good in the long run, Enright says. 3. Work. It takes an effort to understand and empathize with someone who has hurt you. Enright suggests asking yourself a few questions: What was life like for this person while growing up? What psychological wounds might he or she be nursing? What extra pressures or stresses was the person experiencing at the time he or she offended you? Then think of a small gift you could offer this person. It might be a smile, a handshake, a returned phone call, or simply more tolerance the next time you are with him or her. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. If you were or are in an abusive relationship of any kind, your forgiveness can and should come from afar. 4. Discover. Find meaning and purpose in what you have been through, Enright encourages. How can you help others who might be hurting? If you’ve been a victim of racial bias, for example, you might decide to become more active in civil rights causes. In the emotional relief of letting go, Enright says, you might discover the paradox of forgiveness: “As we give to others the gifts of mercy, generosity and moral love, we ourselves are healed. Source: www.success.com/john-addison-4-ways-to-say-no-to-negativity

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page